Of Russian hacks and password cracks

ANOTHER DAY, another data breach and this one appears to be one of the most significant in recent memory–over a billion usernames and passwords now in the possession of some Russian hackers. Although a very interesting take on this exploit at The Verge calls into question whether said quantity of personal data was actually “hacked” or merely acquired from other criminals, the fact remains that the data is out there, and yeah, there’s probably a reasonable chance that your info is in there somewhere.

What many of us find particularly frustrating about these escapades is that the names of the sites that were compromised are usually not released for days or even weeks after the hacks occur, in the event that a site remains vulnerable after the hack is disclosed. This was the case with the recent Heartbleed bug, where many Web site operators were unconscionably slow to inform their users as to whether their sites needed patching, had or had not been patched, and exactly what information could been compromised.

In the end, we’re all left thinking, “What can I do, or what should I do, to protect myself?” Well, there isn’t much we can do to prevent these kinds of exploits, but there are two things we can do to minimize the potential risk. One is to use “strong” passwords (“un9Ayg3I1oN8” as opposed to “password”) on the Web sites that we frequent, and the other is to use unique (and strong) passwords for each site. Using strong paswords alone wouldn’t have helped much with this specific exploit, but using unique passwords would.

WHY? BECAUSE hackers know that most of us use the same 2-3 passwords for all the sites we visit. So if they capture just one, along with your email address, they may well have a way in to many of your other online accounts–some of which may contain a lot more personal information than just your name and email.

Now there’s a very good reason why–in spite of all the warnings we get each time a Web hack is publicized–most of us use the same 2-3 passwords for everything, and that’s because in order to use them, we must be able to remember them. Even working with only a few passwords can be challenging, and we’ve all had those moments wherein we type in what we think the password is, then what it might also be, then what we think it is but with an initial cap, etc. Were we all to employ strong passwords, even if they were not unique to each site, we would certainly fail at most of our login attempts.

That’s where password managers come in. Some are programs that reside on your computer; some are Web sites that store the passwords for you. Some are bare-bones and some are amazingly full-featured. But the one invaluable service they all perform is they enable you to use strong, unique passwords by remembering them for you and regurgitating them on demand. You have only to remember one “master” password to unlock the rest.

THE KEY WORD here is “enable.” It would be a truly marvelous thing were a password manager to vist all the sites you frequent, change your password on each one to something infinitely more robust like “Nim2ceWg8O9q,” and then repeat that action every three months. In the real world, of course, accomplishing that requires a little more “elbow grease,” if I may borrow an idiom from my parents’ generation.

Even with the assistance of a password manager, you must take the following steps to update your sites with a strong and unique password:

  1. Log in to the site with your current (presumably weak) password.
  2. Locate the area of the site where you can update your password.
  3. Enter your current password in the “Current Password” or “Old Password” field.
  4. Enter a much stronger one in the “New Password” field (most password managers will generate this for you).
  5. Apply the password change using the “Save,” “Update, “Apply” or similarly-named button below the password fields.
  6. Make sure the password manager updates its record for the new password (most do this automatically, or at least semi-automatically).
  7. Repeat for the remainder of your sites.

DON’T GET ME wrong–I don’t mean to give the impression that password managers aren’t worth the trouble. I use a password manager, and I feel they are extremely useful and truly the only practical way to employ strong and unique passwords across multiple Web properties. But they still require an investment of time and thought to allow them to safely and effectively “manage” your passwords.

So if this latest exploit has you thinking that it might be time to stop using “password123” for the majority of your Web accounts, you would be well-advised to employ some form of password management. Just be prepared to spend a few hours or more working up a little elbow grease in the process.

Yosemite Slam

I SUPPOSE I should refrain from slamming a new operating system before it’s even released, but I can’t help but wish that Apple would clean up the rest of the bugs and performance issues in Mavericks 10.9.x before announcing their next arrival. Nonetheless, OS X 10.10, aka “Yosemite,” was announced at the annual WWDC this past June and is due to arrive sometime in the fall of this year. The hardware requirements for Apple’s newest OS are identical to those of OS X 10.9 Mavericks and, like its predecessor, Yosemite will be a free upgrade for all.

There are, of course, a plethora of new features and a further extension of  the “minimalist” design that characterizes the current iDevice operating system, iOS 7. Yes, they remain two completely distinct operating systems, but the lines continue to blur. Many of the new features and capabilities of Yosemite center around improving the interaction between iDevices and Macs–what Apple refers to as Yosemite’s Continuity feature set.

Specifically, the “Handoff” components of the new OS will link all your Apple tech in such a way that you could start composing an email on your iMac and finish it on your iPad without missing a beat, or check out a Web site on your iPhone and be brought to the exact same spot on that site when you return to your MacBook Pro.

AND THAT’S JUST  for starters. You’ll be able to receive and respond to all text messages on your Mac, not just iMessages (the blue bubbles in the Messages app) but also standard SMS text messages (the green bubbles that heretofore didn’t appear in the Messages app on Macs). You’ll even have the ability to “hand off” phone calls from your iPhone to your Mac, essentially turning it into a giant speakerphone.

Even the new iCloud Drive feature, which brings a long-overdue “DropBox”-style service to Macs, is arguably most useful when you have an iDevice or two in addition to your Mac.

Finally, the AirDrop technology for swapping information wirelessly, which–in spite of the fact that it already exists on Macs and iDevices–has never allowed you to move your stuff between those two platforms, now makes amends for that by baking it right into Yosemite and the forthcoming iOS 8 (more on that in a moment).

Sure, there are other Yosemite features that don’t revolve around iDevices, like the option to scrawl on/annotate images or PDF attachments in Mail. But overall it sure seems like Apple is banking on the notion that most of you own at least one Mac and one iDevice, and that you’ve a hankering for them to work together far more smoothly and efficiently than they have to date.

HOWEVER, Yosemite and iOS 8 are the future, even if said future is mere months away. Mavericks 10.9 is the present, and I am compelled to state here that I still have reservations about upgrading from “Mountain Lion” 10.8 if that’s the OS you’re running and it’s working as advertised for you. In fact, the one thing that stands out to me as far as Mavericks’ new features is a penchant for breaking my clients’ ability to print to PostScript printers that worked just fine in earlier versions of the OS. So if you haven’t made the leap to 10.9 yet, I would have to recommend that you hold off for a few more months and see what Yosemite brings.

Don’t hold off on iOS 8, though, which was also previewed at the WWDC alongside Yosemite. This latest OS for iDevices brings some wonderful new stuff like iCloud Photo Library, which provides vast improvements in photo management/storage by offering a simpler and more useful alternative to the bewildering combination of Photo Stream and iCloud Photo Sharing–neither of which I can satisfactorily explain to my clients (given that I barely understand them myself).

Even more significantly, Apple is finally overhauling the way multiple Apple IDs are managed among individuals and families courtesy of the new Family Sharing options. For most of us, Family Sharing will bring an end to the heartbreak of managing purchases made under multiple Apple IDs, to Mom getting text messages intended for Dad and vice versa, and to the unintentional mingling of Junior’s contacts on his iPad with the address book on Dad’s MacBook Pro.

LET US FIRST exult in the glory of the new manner in which all your devices will handle your photos. Turn on iCloud Photo Library, and all of your fab pix and videos are stored (and backed up) on iCloud, in their original format (even RAW) so they can be accessed from anywhere. That’s it! Ah, but that amount of storage is going to cost me an arm and a leg, you say. Fear not, intrepid shutterbugs, because Apple has completely restructured their pricing for iCloud storage, veritably plummeting from the currently lofty $100/year for a mere 30GB, to an extra 20GB for the paltry sum of $0.99 per month, with 200GB going for just $3.99/mo.

It’s not only the storage that’s more convenient. When you use the Photos app on any of your devices to edit your mages, those changes will be visible everywhere. Even better, your edits are non-destructive–meaning that you can revert back to the original image if necessary. As part of all this, iPhoto on the Mac will be replaced by Photos, which will have a similar look, feel and feature set to the Photos app in iOS 8. That probably means some iPhoto features will be lost in the shuffle, but no one seems to like or even really understand iPhoto all that much, anyway…

On to Family Sharing. While I imagine that implementing this may be a bit tricky for a family of five with multiple existing Apple IDs, the basic concept is quite simple and long overdue. WIth Family Sharing. up to six family members–each with their own Apple ID–can access all purchases made under any of those IDs (assuming they’re made with the same credit card). And since the IDs are unique, each person can maintain their own set of iCloud calendars, contacts, reminders, etc. Thoughtfully, Family Sharing automatically creates a single shared Family calendar (with reminders) and a Family photo collection, assuming that there are some things you do want to share.

SO HOW EXACTLY will all of this work? Well, if Sis downloads the latest from One Direction, Dad, Mom and Junior all have immediate access to that album–regardless of whether or not it fits their particular musical tastes. And lest you fear that Junior is now free to embark on a reckless buying spree of the entire Maroon 5 catalog, rest assured that Apple has baked in what they call “Ask To Buy,” which alerts the credit card holder via text message whenever a purchase is attempted and allows for the immediate acceptance or rejection of same.

Assuming Mom is not subject to that restriction, the moment she purchases the now-classic Game of Life on the App Store, the rest of the family is free to grab it, fill their virtual plastic automobiles with virtual plastic spouse/offspring pegs, and agonize over whether or not to buy fire insurance when the opportunity arises. So whether or or not you’re a fan of this classic board game, Family Sharing represents a drastic improvement over the current “multiple Apple IDs” mess in which many have found themselves enmeshed.

LAST BUT certainly not least, iOS 8 includes two new technologies known as Health Kit and Home Kit. These are not apps but more of a central “hub” which, in the case of Health Kit, enables health information to be collected and shared among third-party apps such as those that detect your blood pressure, heart rate or glucose levels. This info could also be transmitted remotely to healthcare providers–something that could be potentially life-saving should any of those readings fall outside of their normal ranges.

Home Kit works in a similar fashion by allowing home automation apps from disparate developers to work together in such a way that you could, for example, inform Siri that “it’s bedtime,” at which point your downstairs lights would shut off, the thermostat would adjust appropriately, all the doors would lock and the garage door would close in the event it was left open. Apple has confirmed that they are partnering with companies like Cree, Texas Instruments, Kwikset, Philips, Chamberlain, and Schlage, which means that the major players in smartphone-based home automation are already on board with Home Kit.

So that’s iOS 8, coming to an iDevice near you sometime this fall. There are a few other nifty little features I could wax poetic over, but since I’ve been promising this posting for nearly a month now, let me sum it all up in as succinct a manner as possible:

iOS 8? Great.

Yosemite? Wait.

With every bleed of my heart…

The “Heartbleed” bug

Many of you have probably already heard about the security issue known as “Heartbleed,” which affects numerous Web sites and potentially other programs and systems that use specific versions of an encryption technology known as OpenSSL.

SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) is the protocol that scrambles or encrypts sensitive information that moves across the Internet, and this “bug” in OpenSSL means that any data sent between your Mac or iDevice and a Web site affected by the vulnerability could be intercepted and decoded (including passwords and credit card info).

Although no one is sure if the bug has been exploited or if any information has actually been stolen, it has the potential to be serious. I’ll let you read all about it here if you want to get all the gory details, but here’s the bottom line: While your Mac is not affected directly by this, many of the Web sites that you use on a regular basis might be.

It’s estimated that approximately 15-20% of all Web sites are affected by Heartbleed. I wish I could provide you with an updated list of these sites, but as of yet no such list exists. However, someone has put together a handy little online tool that lets you type in the Web address of any site and check to see if it uses the particular flavor of OpenSSL that is affected by Heartbleed.

The owner/operator of any affected site needs to correct the problem on their end; there’s nothing you can do until the site notifies you that they’ve addressed the issue. Changing your password isn’t going to help until they’ve fixed the problem, at which point you should then seriously consider updating your password just in case it was appropriated while the site was vulnerable.

So for your financial sites at least, if nothing else, I would do a little detective work using the tool noted above. For what it’s worth, GMail is not affected by this, nor is iCloud.com. If anyone wants to report back via a comment on which sites are safe, feel free. I’ll update this post if I get any new or useful info on the subject.

Office, ours

After a wait long enough that most of us figured it would never come to pass, Microsoft Office for the iPad and iPhone/iPod is now available for download. The software itself, as well as the pricing and licensing policies, are completely different for iPads vs. iPhones/iPods, and may not seem so favorable by comparison to Apple’s iWork suite of apps, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Here’s how it breaks down:

The app for iiPhone/iPod is known as Microsoft Office Mobile. It’s completely free to download and use as long as you’re willing to create an account with Microsoft with which you can sign in; without first entering a Microsoft account ID and password the app can’t be launched.

Once you’ve gotten past that hurdle, you’ll find you can open, create, edit and save Word and Excel files but, strangely enough, you can’t create PowerPoint files even though you can open existing ones, as well as edit and save them. Further, you can’t store Office files on your iDevice, so you need to use Microsoft’s OneDrive, OneDrive for Business, or SharePoint in order to really make use of this (20GB of OneDrive storage is included).

For your iPad, Word, Excel and PowerPoint are offered as individual apps. If you want only to view existing Office documents, you can use them all for free as long as you’d like. Assuming you might actually want to create or edit documents, however, you must subscribe to Office Home Personal for $6.99/mo. (covers one tablet and one Mac or PC), or Office Home Premium for $9.99/mo. (allows the use up to five mobile devices and up to five Macs/PCs).

If you happen to work for a company that already has an Office subscription for their business, you should inquire about using that. As with Microsoft Office Mobile, you can’t store files on your device so you’ll need to use OneDrive or SharePoint for that, and you get the same 20GB of OneDrive storage provided to iPhone/iPod users.

The actual iPad apps are generally getting rave reviews, although not everyone is as enthusiastic about the Microsoft subscription model. You can try the iPad apps free for 30 days, so I’d suggest at least taking a look if you feel that you really need the Office suite on your device.

Since the iWork apps (Pages, Numbers and Keynote) can open and save Office files, and they require only a one-time purchase with no monthly or annual subscription fees, they might be a better deal. Keep in mind, however, that they’re not as full-featured as Microsoft’s offerings, nor are they as capable of seamlessly opening, editing and saving an Office document while preserving every aspect of the file in question.

Mavericks: Ready. Or Not.

Back in early February, I wrote that I really couldn’t recommend any of you upgrading to Mavericks, and as of this moment my position hasn’t changed on that. There are still some major issues even after the 10.9.2 update, so we’ll see what happens when 10.9.3 is released, probably sometime later this month.

Those of you already using OS X 10.8 “Mountain Lion” really aren’t missing all that much, other that tabbed Finder windows, tags for documents and the aforementioned bugginess. If, however, you’re still running OS X 10.6 “Snow Leopard,” or OS X 10.7 “Lion,” you should think about moving up to 10.8–as long as your Mac supports it.

Those of you still on 10.5 “Leopard” should absolutely move up to 10.6 at a minimum (to eliminate the constant warnings about the Adobe Flash Player, if for no other reason), again assuming your Mac model supports that operating system.

If you’re not sure which model Mac you own, enter your Mac’s serial no. here. And if you don’t happen to have your Mac’s serial number handy, just go to “About This Mac” from the Apple menu, and from the About window, click twice on the line that indicates the system software version.

As always, feel free to drop me a line if you’re unsure which way to go here.

All a ‘Twitter

Last time out I noted that I was contemplating joining the Twitterverse, and perhaps even Tweeting–on a limited basis, of course. I’ve always believed, as Polonius expressed so eloquently to Hamlet’s mom, that brevity is indeed the soul of wit, something that to me applies not to the length of each Tweet–which Twitter already restricts to a scant 140 characters–but to the number of Tweets issued on a given day as well.

But before I get around to tossing out a Tweet or three, I want to make a case for why I feel Twitter is worthy of your attention in the first place, and–should you find yourself in agreement with me–how to go about getting your Tweet wet with Twitter on your Mac.

I’ve been part of the Twitterverse for only the last couple of weeks, but my brief experience has already shown that if one limits time spent with the service, and follows the appropriate people (the @s)/or topics (the #s), value can indeed be gleaned from this particular flavor of social media.

One long-standing criticism of social media services like Twitter and Facebook–and I have certainly voiced this myself–is that the information put forth seems at best trivial and at worst hurtful, or just plain mean. So I am happy to report that I have, in a fairly brief period of time, identified not less than a baker’s dozen individuals who, at least in my humble opinion, contribute information of indispensable value to the Twitterverse.

To illustrate, those whom I’ve elected to follow have graciously provided the following insights, images, info, and indisputably insightful non-sequiturs over the course of the past few days:

  • Why are all the “House of Cards” journalists so bad at journalism?
    Andrew Kaczynski | @BuzzFeedAndrew | Reporter for @BuzzFeed Politics
  • ‘Chuffed’ was used in the last moments of Liam Neeson’s interview & last scene of Downton on the same evening. Coincidence for a Brit term!
  • ‘Mongrel’ spiking at http://m-w.com after Ted Nugent referred to @BarackObama as a “subhuman mongrel”
  • TGIF is correctly pronounced TEE-JIFF. You’re welcome.
    Peter Sokolowski | @PeterSokolowski | Lexicographer, Merriam-Webster
  • The “eat” of battle – how the world’s armies get fed (skip to the pix)
  • Is That Sausage Worth This?  (Spoiler: gross.)
    Mark Bittman | @bittman | Food writer for NY Times; author of How to Cook Everything
  • Insomnia. A simultaneously useful and destructive state.
  • I’ve just installed WhatsApp and hate myself as a result.
    Emily Bell | @emilybell | Director of Tow Centre for Digital Journalism at Columbia
  • Over the past two weeks, Putin’s face has shown as great a range of expressions as Lenin’s (in his current condition).
  • Olympic opening and closing ceremonies remind of of the influence of HDTV. Nothing this ambitious would have been done in analog TV days.
  • Warning to non-tech media: I’m THIS close to using my authority to force you all to stop using the word “selfie.” Just FYI.
    Andy Ihnatko | @Ihnatko | Chicago Sun-Times technology columnist and Internationally Beloved Industry Figure™
  • “The Lego Movie” is still number one at the box office. How dare they make a film about plastic people and not call me!
    Joan Rivers | @Joan_Rivers | A simple girl with a dream…

Sure beats hateful Tweets about gay athletes, or a FaceBook posting featuring pics of what your niece had for breakfast. So in the event this brief taste of Twitter has whetted your appetite for more, all you need do is head over to twitter.com and create an account. You don’t have to Tweet anything yourself at the outset; besides, until you can coerce a few others to follow you, you’ll be Tweeting to an empty room, so to speak–er, Tweet, that is…

Once you’ve got your Twitter identity established, simply select a few individuals to follow, and revel in your new-found wisdom! To help get you started, I’ve taken the liberty of including the Twitter handle of each contributor noted above.

Point of clarification (#1 of 2): Twitter members are designated by the @ symbol; Twitter topics/keywords are indicated by a hashtag (#). Click on any keyword in a Tweet to see all Tweets which include that keyword; you can also search Twitter for a specific keyword; #SochiProblems has been particularly amusing as of late.

By way of example, my (and presumably everyone’s) favorite 320-lb,. ex-N.Y. Giants quarterback Jared Lorenzen issues Tweets as @jaredlorenzen22; keyword #heftylefty also exists for anyone to include when they Tweet about Jared himself, or anything they deem Jared-related.

Therefore, were I to Tweet regarding Jared, I might compose something like the following:

Latest on @jaredlorenzen22: The #heftylefty suffered a broken leg in the Feb. 9 game but is on the mend. Hang in there J.Load!

So if you follow @jaredlorenzen22 you’ll get all of his Tweets; if you explore the keyword #heftylefty, you’ll discover what everyone else Tweets about regarding the “Pillsbury Throwboy.” If you’re not into sports, my sincerest apologies. Simply substitute @tim_cook and #Apple respectively for their counterparts above 😉

Point of clarification (#2 of 2): You may have noticed that, in your iDevice(s) Settings and in your Mac’s Mail, Contacts & Calendars preference pane, you are provided with the option to enter your Twitter account credentials. This simply stores your Twitter handle and password so you are able to Tweet images, Web links, etc. expeditiously; it does not provide a means for you to follow others on Twitter.

Therefore, you need to download Twitter’s app for iPhone/iPad to use Twitter on any of your iDevices. On your Mac, you can simply follow all your Twitter feeds in a browser window, or download Twitter for Mac from the App Store.

Here, there and everywhere

I’ve been accumulating a bunch of Mac-specific topics about which to blog, none of which seemed to merit an entire posting. So I’ll devote a paragraph or two to each here, and even toss in the latest on my post-transplant cGVHD status, since I’ve always believed that a blog post without mention of hemoglobin levels or corticosteroid tapers hardly merits your valuable time or attention.

Remote excess

FYI for those of you with whom I engage in periodic remote support sessions: I’ve transitioned completely now from the Schnitz Remote Lite app, my former remote assistance tool of choice, to the TeamViewer Quick Support app. So… if you still have Schnitz in your Applications folder or in your Dock, you can trash it, and if you don’t yet have the TeamViewer Quick Support app, you can download it from my “cloud” here:

http://media.altimac.com/TeamViewerQS9.dmg

In fact, even if you do have it, those of you who haven’t used it within the last few months should download this one and replace your current one, since this is a more recent version.

Maver-icky?

By now most of you have been prompted via Apple’s Software Update to download and install “Mavericks” (aka Mac OS X 10.9). If you haven’t already done so, my advice is to continue to hold off for a bit. My experience to date has been that the issues resulting from the update, particularly with the Apple Mail program and with user directory and file permissions make it not worth doing at this point. The new feature set overall is arguably useful yet pretty underwhelming (a dedicated Maps app like on the iPhone, a tabbed Finder, tags for documents) so I’d have to say the pain is not worth the gain–yet. Figure on maybe dipping your toe in the water when Apple releases the 10.9.4 version; they are currently about to release 10.9.2, so we’re talking somewhere in the late spring or so in terms of a timeframe for when it would be reasonably safe to upgrade.

Pro no, you don’t

While we’re on the subject of Apple stuff to avoid, I’ve got to put the new Mac Pro into that category. Not that there’s anything really wrong with it, it’s just that it’s so danged expensive even in its base configuration, which offers a mere 256GB of storage (even iMacs start you off with a full terabyte [1000GB]). That means you’re already into another grand or two to step up to a roomier option. Granted, the 256GB solid-state drive that comes in the Pro is wicked fast, but that speed doesn’t help you too much if you’ve already got 400GB of stuff on your current Mac. The Pro is a speed demon, it’s quiet, it’s portable (unlike the previous Pro models which one can barely lift), it’s got stunningly good looks, six Thunderbolt ports and Turbo Boost, but still… given the ~$5,500 price tag for a model with adequate storage, I’d rather get me, oh, two iMacs and a Mac mini and still have some cash to spare.

Taking my shots

Dropped in on RWJ/CINJ last Tuesday for the usual (blood work, a parking nightmare and still more immunizations) and my numbers were pretty much OK; my hemoglobin has remained in the 14.x range, ensuring that I have the requisite get up and go to create further blog postings and show up at your door when circumstances require a personal visit. I got three more of the seven vaccines I got last month, and need to undergo the remaining four again next week. And again in four months, yeesh. As far as the steroid regimen goes, my docs do want me to continue the taper but at the rate of only 10mg each month. So I’m not exactly thrilled about the pace, as it means it will be sometime this summer before I am tapered off completely ;-( Better late than never, of course…

Going (anti)viral

As irresponsible as it may seem–especially given that I’ve been voluntarily undergoing the battery of inoculations noted above–I still can’t comfortably recommend installing anti-virus software on a Mac. If you’re using Mac OS X 10.6 “Snow Leopard” or newer, the operating system automatically updates itself to deal with the most recent and severe threats, and more often than not, third-party antivirus utilities seem to cause more problems than they prevent.

CNET just reported on an evaluation of the most popular AV programs on the Mac side conducted by security researcher and analyst Thomas Reed, which found that neither the McAfee nor the Symantec products made it into the “top tier” of antivirus options for the Mac. ClamXav, which is open source and has a minimal footprint in terms of intrusiveness and performance issues, was not one of the best options either. ClamXav has heretofore been my “go-to” recommendation to anyone who feels compelled to install some form of protection on their Mac, so I may have to rethink my position on that one ;-(

The CNET article pretty much mirrors my own position, for what it’s worth, on AV software:

“Whether or not antivirus tools are recommended for OS X is a question that is still in a bit of flux. Hard-core Mac users often claim malware scanners offer more potential harm than good, especially given the relative lack of malware for OS X. However, this mentality butts heads with those who may not trust, or have, the abilities to avoid all potential avenues of attack on their systems.”

Tweet, tweet

It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that it might not be a complete and utter waste of time on my part to create a Twitter username, and perhaps even toss out an occasional tweet here and there. In spite of being an incredible time-suck, and disregarding the volume of mean-spirited and even hurtful tweets that are posted on an hourly basis, Twitter does indeed have some redeeming qualities–if you are discriminating in terms of which Twitterers you elect to follow.

I am neither suggesting nor recommending that you run out and create a Twitter account just to receive an occasional Mac-related tidbit from yours truly, but I’d like to get your feedback on whether you would find tweets from me interesting and/or useful enough to contemplate joining the Twitterverse. If you happen to be in the “I’ve always been curious about Twitter but don’t really understand it and have no clue as to how to get started” camp, I’ll be more than happy to dedicate my next blog post to that very subject.

Never fear–no matter how my position on social media sites may evolve, I’m still not joining Facebook.

Note: In the event this is not painfully obvious, you can follow anyone on Twitter without creating an account just by visiting their profile page. Example: Chicago Sun-Times technology columnist and Internationally Beloved Industry Figure™ Andy Ihnatko, or my favorite 320-lb, ex-N.Y. Giant and current North Kentucky River Monsters starting QB Jared Lorenzen, aka The Pillsbury Throwboy/The Round Mound of Touchdown/J. Load/<insert appropriate weight-related nickname here>.

The Gift of the Mac Guy

With apologies to William Sydney Porter

NINE THOUSAND, three hundred and ninety-nine dollars. That was all. And five thousand of it was in hundreds. Hundreds saved three and four at a time by skimping on holiday tips to the doorman, postman et al and by strategicallly deferring a select few visits to the spa at Madison and 55th, until one’s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied. Three times Della counted it. Nine thousand, three hundred and ninety-nine dollars. And the next day would be Christmas Eve.

There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the Alessi leather loveseat and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.

While the mistress of the home is gradually subsiding from the first stage to the second, take a look at the home. A fully-furnished apartment on Central Park West, at $4800 per month. It did not exactly beggar description, but it certainly had that word on the lookout for the mendicancy squad.

In the vestibule below was a letter-box into which no letter would go, and an electric button from which no mortal finger could coax a ring. Also appertaining thereunto was a card bearing the name “Mr. James Dillingham Young.”

The “Dillingham” had been flung to the breeze during a former period of prosperity when its possessor was realizing in the area of $5000 per week. Now, when the income was shrunk to $3500, though, they were thinking seriously of contracting to a modest and unassuming D. But whenever Mr. James Dillingham Young came home and reached his apartment above he was called “Jim” and greatly hugged by Mrs. James Dillingham Young, already introduced to you as Della. Which is all very good.

DELLA FINISHED her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag. She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray Weimeraner being walked on a gray leash by a gray-haried matron wearing a gray Mark Kaufman fur. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only $9,399 with which to buy Jim a present. She had been saving every dollar she could for months, with this result. $2000 a week doesn’t go far. Expenses had been greater than she had calculated. They always are.

Only $9,399 to buy a present for Jim. Her Jim. Many a happy hour she had spent planning for something nice for him. Something fine and rare and sterling–something just a little bit near to being worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim.

There was a tall and narrow door mirror of questionable accuracy, with a dusky brown frame, mounted on the inside surface of the walk-in closet door. Perhaps you have seen such a mirror in a $4800 apartment. A very thin and very agile person may, by observing her reflection in a rapid sequence of gesticulations, obtain a fairly accurate conception of her looks. Della, being slender, had mastered the art. Suddenly she whirled from the window and stood before the mirror. Her eyes were shining brilliantly, but her face had lost its color within twenty seconds. Rapidly she pulled down her hair and let it fall to its full length.

Now, there were two possessions of the James Dillingham Youngs in which they both took a mighty pride. One was Jim’s graphic design business–a business he had built from the ground up over the years, and which numbered just south of ten steady clients, two of whom supplied the lion’s share of the Young’s income, with the remaining seven providing a still-considerable contribution to the Young’s bottom line.

The other was Della’s hair. Had the queen of Sheba lived in the flat across the airshaft, Della would have let her hair hang out the window some day to dry just to depreciate Her Majesty’s jewels and gifts. Had King Solomon been the janitor, with all his treasures piled up in the basement, Jim would have walked by wirelessly accessing his .Mac email account while simultaneously crunching budget figures in Microsoft Excel 2004 each time he passed, just to see him pluck at his beard from envy.

So now Della’s beautiful hair fell about her rippling and shining like a cascade of brown waters. It reached below her knee and made itself almost a garment for her. And then she did it up again nervously and quickly. Once she faltered for a minute and stood still while a tear or two splashed on the New Zealand-wool Karastan.

On went her old Versace couture signature overcoat and hat. With a whirl of skirts and with the brilliant sparkle still in her eyes, she fluttered out the door and down the stairs to the street

WHERE SHE STOPPED the sign read: “Mme. Sofronie. Hair Goods of All Kinds.” One flight up Della ran, and collected herself, panting. Madame, large, too white, chilly, hardly looked the “Sofronie.”

“Will you buy my hair?” asked Della.

“I buy hair,” said Madame. “Take yer hat off and let’s have a sight at the looks of it.”

Down rippled the brown cascade.

“Two hundred bucks,” said Madame, lifting the mass with a practised hand.

“Give it to me quick,” said Della.

Oh, and the next two hours tripped by on rosy wings. Forget the hashed metaphor. She was ransacking the Web for Jim’s present. As RoadRunner cable modem service was not yet available in their building, Della was forced to struggle along with a 640K/128K DSL connection from Verizon which, contrary to the circuit’s advertised bandwidth, was capable of no more than 300-400K downstream even on a good day.

IN SPITE OF her DSL modem’s oft-sluggish response, Della found it at last. It surely had been made for Jim and no one else, and had just become available at the online Apple Store a few days prior. There was no other like it from any other computer manufacturer, and she had turned all of them inside out. It was, of course, the new Mac Pro: simple and chaste in design, properly proclaiming its value by substance alone and not by meretricious ornamentation–as all good things should do.

It was a workstation worthy even of his most valued of clients. As soon as she saw it she knew that it must be Jim’s. It was like him. Quietness and value–the description applied to both.

Nine thousand, five hundred and ninety-nine dollars they took from her for it, and she opted for the overnight express shipping. With the 15″ 2.3GHz Quad-core Intel i7 MacBook Pro he currently owned, Jim might be properly anxious about hauling an eighteen-month old laptop such as his to a client’s place of business. Grand as this MacBook Pro was when first purchased, he was often reluctant to concede in mixed company that it was a non-Retina display model, for fear that his tech quotient would be suspect.

When Della finally logged off her own 27″ 3.2GHz quad-core Intel i5 iMac, her intoxication gave way a little to prudence and reason. She got out her curling iron and went to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love. Which is always a tremendous task, dear friends–a mammoth task.

Within forty minutes her head was covered with tiny, close-lying curls that made her look wonderfully like a truant schoolboy. She looked at her reflection in the mirror long, carefully, and critically.

“If Jim doesn’t kill me,” she said to herself, “before he takes a second look at me, he’ll say I look like a Coney Island chorus girl. But what could I do–oh! what could I get with only nine thousand, three hundred and ninety-nine dollars?”

AT SIX O’CLOCK the following evening, the Bonneau du Martray chardonnay was chilling nicely in the beverage cooler, and the frying pan was on the back of the range hot and ready to cook the pecan-encrusted salmon filets from Wegmans.

Jim was never late. Della held the Mac Pro behind her back and sat on the corner of the table near the door that he always entered. Then she heard his step on the stair away down on the first flight, and she turned white for just a moment. She had a habit of saying a little silent prayer about the simplest everyday things, and now she whispered: “Please God, make him think I am still pretty.”

The door opened and Jim stepped in and closed it. He looked thin and very serious. Poor fellow, he was only twenty-two–and to be burdened with a family! He still wore the Gianfranco Ferre studio charcoal grey cashmere overcoat she had purchased for him nearly two years ago, and his LaCrasia Italian leather driving gloves were unlined.

Jim stopped inside the door, as immovable as a setter at the scent of quail. His eyes were fixed upon Della, and there was an expression in them that she could not read, and it terrified her. It was not anger, nor surprise, nor disapproval, nor horror, nor any of the sentiments that she had been prepared for. He simply stared at her fixedly with that peculiar expression on his face.

DELLA WRIGGLED off the table and went for him.

“Jim, darling,” she cried, “don’t look at me that way. I had my hair cut off and sold because I couldn’t have lived through Christmas without giving you a present. It’ll grow out again–you won’t mind, will you? I just had to do it. My hair grows awfully fast. Say ‘Merry Christmas!’ Jim, and let’s be happy. You don’t know what a nice–what a beautiful, nice gift I’ve got for you.”

“You’ve cut off your hair?” asked Jim, laboriously, as if he had not arrived at that patent fact yet even after the hardest mental labor.

“Cut it off and sold it,” said Della. “Don’t you like me just as well, anyhow? I’m me without my hair, aren’t I?”

Jim looked about the room curiously.

“You say your hair is gone?” he said, with an air almost of idiocy.

“You needn’t look for it,” said Della. “It’s sold, I tell you–sold and gone, too. It’s Christmas Eve, sweetheart. Be good to me, for it went for you. Maybe the hairs of my head were numbered,” she went on with sudden serious sweetness, “but nobody could ever count my love for you. Shall I put the salmon on, Jim?”

OUT OF HIS trance Jim seemed quickly to wake. He enfolded his Della. For ten seconds let us regard with discreet scrutiny some inconsequential object in the other direction. Five thousand dollars a month or twenty million a year–what is the difference? A mathematician or a wit would give you the wrong answer. The Magi brought valuable gifts, but that was not among them. This dark assertion will be illuminated later on.

Jim drew a package from his overcoat pocket and threw it upon the table.

“Don’t make any mistake, Dell,” he said, “about me. I don’t think there’s anything in the way of a haircut or a shave or a shampoo that could make me like my girl any less. But if you’ll unwrap that package you may see why you had me going a while at first.”

White fingers and nimble tore at the ribbon and paper. And then an ecstatic scream of joy; and then, alas! a quick feminine change to hysterical tears and wails, necessitating the immediate employment of all the comforting powers of the lord of the apartment.

For there lay The Combs–the set of combs, side and back, that Della had worshipped long since she had first seen them at Sotheby’s. Antique French hallmarked tortoise shell hair combs, mounted with 12 silver-set rose-cut diamonds from the mid-19th century–just the type to wear in the beautiful vanished hair. They were extraordinarily expensive combs, she knew, and her heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of possession. And now, they were hers, but the tresses that should have adorned the coveted adornments were gone.

But she hugged them to her bosom, and at length she was able to look up with dim eyes and a smile and say: “My hair grows so fast, Jim!”

AND THEN Della leaped up like a little singed cat and cried, “Oh, oh!”

Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present. She held the incredibly compact and yet immensely powerful workstation out to him eagerly upon her open palms. A 3.5GHz 6-core Mac Pro, with the obligatory 2.7GHz 12-core processor upgrade, plus the 64GB DDR3 ECC memory and dual AMD FirePro D700 (sporting 6GB of GDDR5 VRAM) additions. Sensing that Jim’s data storage requirements demanded as much capacity as could be made available, Della had also elected to add an additional 1TB of PCIe-based flash-storage.

As Jim powered up the device, the four USB 3.0, six Thunderbolt 2, two Gigabit Ethernet, one HDMI and two audio output ports seemed to flash with a reflection of her bright and ardent spirit. Or perhaps the Mac Pro’s design team had chosen to auto-illuminate each of the rear-facing ports whenever the unit was rotated.

“Isn’t it a dandy, Jim? They told me orders were already backlogged ihto February, but I managed to get one shipped here overnight. You’ll have to write a blog post for all your clients about how much faster you’ll be able to ge their projects completed now.”

Instead of obeying, Jim tumbled down on the couch and put his hands under the back of his head and smiled.

“Dell,” said he, “let’s put our Christmas presents away and keep ’em a while. They’re too nice to use just at present. Our mutual funds are in the toilet, and we’re leveraged to the hilt since I leased that other Saab. So I sold the rights to my two biggest clients to a design firm in Soho in order to get the money to buy your combs. And now, suppose you put dinner on.”

The Magi, as you know, were wise men–wonderfully wise men–who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in an apartment who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days, let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.

Note: I first perverted this classic short story in an ancient blog posting from late 2003, but since only a handful of you were on my list at that point, I figured I’d recycle it for 2013 and update it to reflect the absurd pricing of the new Mac Pro. Before I run out of keystrokes here (this is a zero day, after all), let me wish you and yours the happiest and healthiest of holidays, and I hope to see all of you at some point in 2014.