{"id":277,"date":"2014-12-23T14:09:03","date_gmt":"2014-12-23T19:09:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/altimac.com\/?p=277"},"modified":"2014-12-24T17:02:02","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T22:02:02","slug":"2014-the-year-in-song-sort-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/2014\/12\/23\/2014-the-year-in-song-sort-of\/","title":{"rendered":"2014: The year in song (sort of)"},"content":{"rendered":"

A recent MacWorld article<\/a> entitled “Apple’s 10 biggest hits, misses, and head-scratchers of 2014” brought to mind just how many significant announcements, products–and problems–the good folks from Cupertino bestowed upon us this year.<\/p>\n

So, as my holiday gift to you, I invite you to join me on a musical journey through the best and the worst that Apple brought us in 2014. It’s perfectly OK if you want to sing along; just make sure that nobody’s within earshot or you’ll most likely have a great deal of explaining to do.<\/p>\n

Happy Holidays from the employees and staff of AltiM@c Consulting!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

Apple Pay is Coming to Town<\/strong>
\nto the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”<\/em><\/p>\n

You’d better watch out
\nYou’d better not buy
\nWith plastic, nor cash
\nI’m telling you why
\nApple Pay<\/a> is coming to town!<\/p>\n

Whole Foods is on board
\nStarbucks and BJ’s
\nPanera, Chevron
\nDuane Reade and Subway
\nApple Pay is coming to town!<\/p>\n

McNuggets from McDonalds?
\nJust use your Touch ID
\nAt Macy’s, Staples, Texaco
\nEven Sports Authority<\/p>\n

To use Apple Pay
\nThe iPhone’s a must
\nSo upgrade your plan
\nTo the 6, or 6+
\nApple Pay is coming to town!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

Yosemite, Yosemite!<\/strong>
\nto the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree”<\/em><\/p>\n

Yosemite, Yosemite,
\nWhat features wilt thou bring me!
\nYosemite, Yosemite,
\nWhat features wilt thou bring me!<\/p>\n

Thou sports AirDrop<\/a>,
\nTranslucency<\/a>
\nMarkup<\/a> in Mail, and
\nContinuity<\/a>
\nYosemite, Yosemite,
\nWhat features wilt thou bring me!<\/p>\n

Yosemite, Yosemite,
\nThou torments me to upgrade
\nYosemite, Yosemite,
\nThou torments me to upgrade<\/p>\n

Of Mavericks
\nI can’t enthuse
\nYet still thou beckons me
\nTo use
\nYosemite, Yosemite,
\nThou torments me to upgrade<\/p>\n

Yosemite, Yosemite,
\nHow this upgrade doth vex me!
\nYosemite, Yosemite,
\nHow this upgrade doth vex me!<\/p>\n

Will Bluetooth fail
\nTo work with thee?
\nOr WiFI
\nconnectivity?<\/p>\n

Yosemite, Yosemite,
\nThou torments me to upgrade…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

iOS 8, iOS 8<\/strong>
\nto the tune of “Silent Night”<\/em><\/p>\n

iOS 8, iOS 8
\nGil had urged
\nUs to wait
\nNow my WiFi performance is poor
\nHave to do
\nA backup and restore
\nThat’s what they said
\nAt the sto-oooore,
\nThat’s what they said at the store<\/p>\n

iOS 8, iOS 8
\nDon’t they test
\nThese updates?
\nNow my Camera Roll is no more
\nSeems to me it was there
\nJust before…
\nWhy is this iPad so slo-ooowww?
\nWhy is this iPad so slow?<\/p>\n

iOS 8, iOS 8
\nHard to keep
\nThe versions straight
\nJust updated to eight one point two
\nHow’s that version
\nBeen working for you?
\nCamera Roll
\nIs resto-oooored!
\nCamera Roll is restored!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

iPhone 6: The Holiday Medley<\/span>
\n<\/strong>I’m Dreaming of a White iPhone |\u00a0Can You Bend This iPhone? |\u00a0It’s The Most Wonderful Phone Of The Year |\u00a0The iPhone 6? Thou Art Too Large |\u00a0Buy Yourself An iPhone 6 This Christmas<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m Dreaming of a White iPhone<\/strong>
\nto the tune of “White Christmas”<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m dreaming of a white iPhone
\nIs that an Apple Store? I’m there
\nWhere the iPhones glisten
\nI stop and listen
\nTo hear
\nOf bargains in the air…<\/p>\n

I’m dreaming of a white iPhone
\nBut these new 6-es, I’ve been told
\nMuch to my chagrin
\nWill be
\noffered in
\nJust three versions–
\nSilver, grey or gold<\/p>\n

I’m dreaming of a gold iPhone…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Can You Bend This iPhone?
\n<\/strong>to the tune of “Do You Hear What I Hear?”<\/em><\/p>\n

Said the British teens<\/a> to the Apple tech
\nCan you bend this iPhone?
\nRight here in the store, Apple tech
\nHey, let’s bend this iPhone
\nLook here, look here
\nWe bent it ’till it broke
\nWhat a tale this fiasco provoked
\nWhat a tale this fiasco provoked<\/p>\n

Said the bloggers to their visitors online,
\nSee me bend my iPhone
\nHere’s a YouTube video<\/a> I made of mine,
\nSee me bend my iPhone
\nIt bends, it bends,
\nWhen the pressure’s far too great
\nSeems\u00a0a costly way to demonstrate
\nSeems\u00a0a costly way to demonstrate<\/p>\n

Said Cupertino to the people everywhere,
\nYou can’t bend our iPhones
\nNine complaints<\/a>, of all the phones out there?
\nYou can’t bend our iPhones
\nThey’re strong, they’re strong
\nIgnore the clueless throng
\n‘Cause Consumer Reports<\/a> confirms they’re wrong
\nYes, Consumer Reports confirms they’re wrong<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It’s The Most Wonderful Phone Of The Year
\n<\/strong>to the tune of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s the most wonderful phone of the year
\nIt’s much bigger
\nYet thinner
\nHealthKit<\/a> looks like a winner!
\nThe new 6+ is here!
\nIt’s the most
\nWonderful phone
\nOf the year…<\/p>\n

A much faster processor
\nThan its predecessor,
\nIt’s better in every way
\nCapture hours of video
\nThen watch it in slo-mo
\nOn the five-and-a-half inch display!<\/p>\n

It’s the most wonderful phone of the year
\nApple Pay’s time has come
\nBuy one now
\nWith your thumb!
\nBefore they disappear…
\nGrab the most
\nWonderful phone
\nYes, the most
\nWonderful phone
\nGrab the most
\nWonderful phone
\nOf the year!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The iPhone 6? Thou Art Too Large
\n<\/strong>to the tune of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear”<\/em><\/p>\n

The iPhone 6? Thou art too large
\nFor my front pants pockets to hold
\nI found thee awkward, and cumbersome
\nA right clumsy object of gold<\/p>\n

Thy screen enthralls
\nAnd thy camera’s swell
\nFain would I explore Apple Pay
\nBut ’twasn’t long ‘ere
\nI soon returned
\nTo mine old iPhone 5 in dismay…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Buy Yourself An iPhone 6 This Christmas
\n<\/strong>to the tune of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”<\/em><\/p>\n

Buy yourself an iPhone 6 this Christmas
\nMake your wallet light
\nThen, upgrade in two years
\nFor more gigabytes…<\/p>\n

Buy yourself an iPhone 6 this Christmas
\nMake the Yuletide pay
\nFrom now on,
\nYou’ll keep those liquids
\nMiles away…<\/p>\n

Trapped no more, as in olden days,
\nWith that cheap flip phone of yore
\nCases, apps and accessories
\nFind you spending more,
\nAnd more<\/p>\n

Through the years,
\nWhen added all together
\nYou’ve dropped five grand, somehow
\nIs this gizmo something you could
\nDisavow?
\nNo! Buy yourself
\nThat 64 gig iPhone
\nNow…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A recent MacWorld article entitled “Apple’s 10 biggest hits, misses, and head-scratchers of 2014” brought to mind just how many significant announcements, products–and problems–the good folks from Cupertino bestowed upon us this year. So, as my holiday gift to you, I invite you to join me on a musical journey through the best and the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/277"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=277"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/277\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=277"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=277"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/altimac.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=277"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}