by Gil Poulsen | Dec 29, 2014 | General, Mac, Technology
Recycling a holiday classic
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS come and go, and one that has certainly come and gone is the annual airing of “May You Always,” a two minute, forty-two second spoken holiday greeting performed by legendary DJ Harry “The Morning Mayor” Harrison and broadcast regularly on New York’s WCBS-FM 101.1 oldies station.
Although it hasn’t graced the airwaves in a good twenty years or so, in its day “May You Always” garnered a cult following among those who snickered at its shameless sentimentality, as well as those who waited eagerly for its first airing each year to bask in the glow of Harry’s genuinely warm and heartfelt delivery. A user by the name of “Sock Hop Saturday Night” even went so far as to post a recording of “the original Amy 45 (the non-politically correct version)” to YouTube in 2009.
AS YOU MAY HAVE surmised from last week’s songfest, we here at AltiM@c are powerless to leave a perfectly good holiday message unsullied by the spirit of parodies present. In fact, I went so far as to pen and even record my own Apple-flavored version of “May You Always” way back in 2005. But since precious few of you have known me for that long, I feel justified in recycling it for 2014–with a few updated tech references to make it seem all shiny and new. So here’s take #2 on this long-lost holiday classic. Enjoy!
May You Always (MYA_2014.mp3, 3.92MB 192kbps MP3 file)
As holiday bells ring out the old year, and sweethearts kiss,
And Mac users struggle through the Yosemite and iOS 8 updates
May I wish you not the biggest and best technology has to offer
But the small victories that make owning all these gizmos worthwhile.
Sometime during the New Year, just to prove you can do it,
May you manage to update Adobe Flash Player without calling anyone for help.
May you find a little island of time to actually read that “Read Me” file,
Or to delete all those duplicate pictures from your iPhoto Library.
May you be able to explain the difference between POP and IMAP without Googling it
May you go through an entire day without once looking up a password
May you know the correct answers to all three of your online banking security questions
May all those people who told you to back up refrain from saying, “I told you to back up.”
May your iPhone enjoy an entire year without being dropped into a public toilet
May that expensive AppleCare support contract rescue your MacBook Pro from an untimely death.
In a time of rampant viruses and spyware, may your Mac be rampant-virus-and-spyware free.
May you be able to pass your old Macbook on to your kids, so they quit screwing up your new iMac.
For a change, on a day when your Mac seems to be working as advertised
May a friend or colleague call on you for help with their computer!
When you zap your PRAM, may it stay zapped!
And, if you happen to mistakenly delete an important file
May you be able to restore it from a Time Machine backup–without calling me to walk you through the process.
May that long and lonely night be brightened by a visit from a FiOS repair technician.
When buying that new iPhone, may you discover that your old one is worth hundreds on eBay–or $10 on Gazelle.com.
When you crash in a 28-page Word document without saving, may there be no one watching to laugh at you–or feel sorry for you.
And sometime soon, may you
Post a video to YouTube successfully
Hold less than five minutes for Comcast tech support
Be told by your grandson that your Internet is “wicked fast”
And be mentioned by Tim Cook in a keynote address.
More than this, no one can wish you.
Happy New Year from the employees and staff of AltiM@c Consulting!
by Gil Poulsen | Dec 23, 2014 | Mac, Technology
A recent MacWorld article entitled “Apple’s 10 biggest hits, misses, and head-scratchers of 2014” brought to mind just how many significant announcements, products–and problems–the good folks from Cupertino bestowed upon us this year.
So, as my holiday gift to you, I invite you to join me on a musical journey through the best and the worst that Apple brought us in 2014. It’s perfectly OK if you want to sing along; just make sure that nobody’s within earshot or you’ll most likely have a great deal of explaining to do.
Happy Holidays from the employees and staff of AltiM@c Consulting!
Apple Pay is Coming to Town
to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
You’d better watch out
You’d better not buy
With plastic, nor cash
I’m telling you why
Apple Pay is coming to town!
Whole Foods is on board
Starbucks and BJ’s
Panera, Chevron
Duane Reade and Subway
Apple Pay is coming to town!
McNuggets from McDonalds?
Just use your Touch ID
At Macy’s, Staples, Texaco
Even Sports Authority
To use Apple Pay
The iPhone’s a must
So upgrade your plan
To the 6, or 6+
Apple Pay is coming to town!
Yosemite, Yosemite!
to the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree”
Yosemite, Yosemite,
What features wilt thou bring me!
Yosemite, Yosemite,
What features wilt thou bring me!
Thou sports AirDrop,
Translucency
Markup in Mail, and
Continuity
Yosemite, Yosemite,
What features wilt thou bring me!
Yosemite, Yosemite,
Thou torments me to upgrade
Yosemite, Yosemite,
Thou torments me to upgrade
Of Mavericks
I can’t enthuse
Yet still thou beckons me
To use
Yosemite, Yosemite,
Thou torments me to upgrade
Yosemite, Yosemite,
How this upgrade doth vex me!
Yosemite, Yosemite,
How this upgrade doth vex me!
Will Bluetooth fail
To work with thee?
Or WiFI
connectivity?
Yosemite, Yosemite,
Thou torments me to upgrade…
iOS 8, iOS 8
to the tune of “Silent Night”
iOS 8, iOS 8
Gil had urged
Us to wait
Now my WiFi performance is poor
Have to do
A backup and restore
That’s what they said
At the sto-oooore,
That’s what they said at the store
iOS 8, iOS 8
Don’t they test
These updates?
Now my Camera Roll is no more
Seems to me it was there
Just before…
Why is this iPad so slo-ooowww?
Why is this iPad so slow?
iOS 8, iOS 8
Hard to keep
The versions straight
Just updated to eight one point two
How’s that version
Been working for you?
Camera Roll
Is resto-oooored!
Camera Roll is restored!
iPhone 6: The Holiday Medley
I’m Dreaming of a White iPhone | Can You Bend This iPhone? | It’s The Most Wonderful Phone Of The Year | The iPhone 6? Thou Art Too Large | Buy Yourself An iPhone 6 This Christmas
I’m Dreaming of a White iPhone
to the tune of “White Christmas”
I’m dreaming of a white iPhone
Is that an Apple Store? I’m there
Where the iPhones glisten
I stop and listen
To hear
Of bargains in the air…
I’m dreaming of a white iPhone
But these new 6-es, I’ve been told
Much to my chagrin
Will be
offered in
Just three versions–
Silver, grey or gold
I’m dreaming of a gold iPhone…
Can You Bend This iPhone?
to the tune of “Do You Hear What I Hear?”
Said the British teens to the Apple tech
Can you bend this iPhone?
Right here in the store, Apple tech
Hey, let’s bend this iPhone
Look here, look here
We bent it ’till it broke
What a tale this fiasco provoked
What a tale this fiasco provoked
Said the bloggers to their visitors online,
See me bend my iPhone
Here’s a YouTube video I made of mine,
See me bend my iPhone
It bends, it bends,
When the pressure’s far too great
Seems a costly way to demonstrate
Seems a costly way to demonstrate
Said Cupertino to the people everywhere,
You can’t bend our iPhones
Nine complaints, of all the phones out there?
You can’t bend our iPhones
They’re strong, they’re strong
Ignore the clueless throng
‘Cause Consumer Reports confirms they’re wrong
Yes, Consumer Reports confirms they’re wrong
It’s The Most Wonderful Phone Of The Year
to the tune of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”
It’s the most wonderful phone of the year
It’s much bigger
Yet thinner
HealthKit looks like a winner!
The new 6+ is here!
It’s the most
Wonderful phone
Of the year…
A much faster processor
Than its predecessor,
It’s better in every way
Capture hours of video
Then watch it in slo-mo
On the five-and-a-half inch display!
It’s the most wonderful phone of the year
Apple Pay’s time has come
Buy one now
With your thumb!
Before they disappear…
Grab the most
Wonderful phone
Yes, the most
Wonderful phone
Grab the most
Wonderful phone
Of the year!
The iPhone 6? Thou Art Too Large
to the tune of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear”
The iPhone 6? Thou art too large
For my front pants pockets to hold
I found thee awkward, and cumbersome
A right clumsy object of gold
Thy screen enthralls
And thy camera’s swell
Fain would I explore Apple Pay
But ’twasn’t long ‘ere
I soon returned
To mine old iPhone 5 in dismay…
Buy Yourself An iPhone 6 This Christmas
to the tune of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”
Buy yourself an iPhone 6 this Christmas
Make your wallet light
Then, upgrade in two years
For more gigabytes…
Buy yourself an iPhone 6 this Christmas
Make the Yuletide pay
From now on,
You’ll keep those liquids
Miles away…
Trapped no more, as in olden days,
With that cheap flip phone of yore
Cases, apps and accessories
Find you spending more,
And more
Through the years,
When added all together
You’ve dropped five grand, somehow
Is this gizmo something you could
Disavow?
No! Buy yourself
That 64 gig iPhone
Now…
by Gil Poulsen | Dec 16, 2014 | Mac, Medical, Technology
While hard at work on an AltiM@c holiday greeting for your reading (and perhaps even singing) pleasure, it struck me that there are more than a few Mac-specific concerns deserving of at least some mention here, before we find ourselves ringing in the New Year.
So without further ado, here’s a quick Q&A focusing on the issues many of you have been encountering as of late:
Q. Is it finally safe to upgrade to Yosemite?
A. That’s a qualified “yes.” Now that Apple has released the 10.10.1 bug fix, I can’t find any compelling argument against making the jump to Yosemite. My only note of caution would be that those of you still using OS X 10.5 (Leopard) or 10.6 (Snow Leopard) with pre-2008 versions of some programs (Office 2004, Adobe Creative Suite 2 or earlier, Quicken 2007 to name a few) will need to buy some newer software. Hey, at least Yosemite itself is free…
Q. What about iOS 8?
A. Now that they’ve put the Camera Roll back, and the iCloud Photo Library seems to be working quite well, I absolutely think you should move up to iOS 8. Users of the iPad 2 and the iPhone 4s who are concerned about performance with the newest iOS have little to fear, since the iOS 8.x bug fixes rectified those issues for the vast majority of users. Then again, if you’re using an iPhone 4s you’re way overdue for an upgrade anyway. Speaking of which…
Q. Should I get the iPhone 6/6+?
A. I’m kinda mixed on this. Yes, they are both awesome in terms of speed, display quality and camera, and the iPhone 6+ screen is massive in comparison to its forebears. My concern with the 6+ is that it’s just too big to handle comfortably in one hand, and presents a challenge to those who spend some part of their day inserting and removing their phone from their front pants pocket. Even the 6 is on the tall side…
My advice would be to get the 5s while it’s still available and $100 less, since the only really significant feature missing from the 5s versus the 6 is the ability to use Apple Pay. But hey, if you really want/need a larger screen and you don’t keep your phone in your pants pocket, don’t let me talk you out of a pretty remarkable piece of hardware.
Q. Why do I keep getting “blocked plug-in” messages?
A. You can thank the Adobe Flash plug-in for that, as well as all the Web site developers who still insist on using Flash for video and other content on their sites. Given that the iPhone and iPad, as well as the vast majority of Android tablets, seem to get along just fine even though they can’t even run Flash, I eagerly await the day when Flash no longer exists on any platform.
But until that glorious day arrives, you’ll have to keep checking your System Preferences–>Flash Player settings to ensure you have the latest version. In some cases Flash will update itself without troubling you with error messages, but when there is a significant update to the plug-in, you will need to manually install it in order to banish those infernal “blocked plug-in” messages. At least, until the next update.
Here’s some helpful guidance on keeping Flash up to date, courtesy of Adobe. Hey, it’s the least they can do.
http://helpx.adobe.com/flash-player.html
Q. What’s the deal with those special eyedrops you were getting?
A. Oh, thanks for asking. I’ve been using them for a few weeks now and I can’t really say that I have seen any significant improvement, but since everyone’s immune system is unique (not many more so than mine) my immuno-ophthalmologist really couldn’t tell me exactly what to expect in terms of efficacy or a time frame. So we’ll, uh, see…
Q. Can I ask one more “computer” question?
A. Sure.
Q. Thanks. I know I should be backing up my iDevice, but should I back it up to my Mac or to iCloud?
A. Definitely to your Mac (or Windows PC, if that’s how you roll). Why? Storage on your computer is free, as opposed to your having to pay for additional room on iCloud for all those fab pix and videos you have on your iDevice(s). And the local iTunes backup is more complete than the iCloud backup.
But… if you can’t be troubled to plug your device into the computer once a week or so, and/or you’ve already ponied up for extra iCloud storage, then iCloud is just fine. What’s important here is that you are backing up your iDevice(s) somewhere.
Q. OK, I think that’s it for now.
A. No problem, give a shout if you have any other questions.
